i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
