Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Two words: nipple clamps
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
