Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
