capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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