i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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