I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she told me i tasted like america
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They have beer where we have blood.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
