Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
