i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
