The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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