My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
