a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
