I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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