I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
