why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
