I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
