Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
