ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
His nipple licking is glorious
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