i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
