the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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