This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
