I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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