Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
