I think i peed on brittanys purse
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
