I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
