Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
