So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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