Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
