Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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