this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i love accidental penises.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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