There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
