I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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