So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
