Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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