Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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