Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
