it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
