i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
