Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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