I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
