Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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