my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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