another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
