You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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