No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
