You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
