id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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