Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
