Already got asked if we're dating
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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