My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
