He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
