Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
