WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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