Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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