You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
