yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
