he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
