the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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