you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
