I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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