loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
