kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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