Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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