can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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