i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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