I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
